The Moos.

Thursday, March 29, 2007

rahh..
im back again. feeling as angsty and depressed as yesterday.
but what can i say?
im practically just sitting here, whine and complain.
like its ever going to help.
i've probably just attracted more eye-rollers.
someone please tell me what i can do.
i really dont mind sacrificing ANYTHING.
seriously.
read a number of people's blog.
and my mood brightened up a little. but that was only for a short while. so hmm.
but hernhern is right."our seniors are great, all these years they have built up an excellent reputation of nycd, and it's up to us to keep up to that expectation."

i hope that tmr's dance is going to be good and fruitful.
i AM going to be able to catch my right leg by tmr. YES I WILL.
its no longer going to be "HOPEFULLY i will be able". that's like the expressway to procrastination.

JIAYOU EVERYONE. jian chi dao di.
its only going to be another 6 more practices.
lets treasure every single practice session thats left and make the best out of it!!

mmooooooo-oooo..--*
|19:56|
Wednesday, March 28, 2007

this post is going to be very selfcentred and unreasonable. but i dont want to bottle them up any longer. sometimes, things are better said out in a way that goes unnoticed. like this blog post. but whoever who reads this and if it concerns you. please dont take offence. i just need an avenue to cleanse my thoughts.

boo.
just had cca till 8 today.
and i think laoshi is really dissappointed with us.)):
we were just so lousy today.
okay. no. for the past 2 cca sessions.
i dont seem to think that we can match up to the previous batch at all, whether is it in terms of how we fail to communicate with laoshi as well as the previous batch. or in terms of unity.
i always had this feeling that we're very segregated. it seems like we dont have a common goal to acheive. even i myself am uncertain. isit GWH or isit opening?
and i really do wish that im able to find the courage to speak up. but i never do. even if i wanted to, i just dont know what substantial things i should or can say. )):
i feel so helpless! like there are things that i want to do. yet i dont seem able to. call me a coward. i deserve it.
i really wish i could be a more confident and motivating speaker. so that i am able to play a certain role, no matter how minute, in pulling this syf batch closer together.

i cant imagine opening falling in OUR HANDS. i wont know how to face our seniors at all. not that i have any right to even make that statement since im a xiaoge with a xiao role. dages shape the dance while we're the icings on top. i have no doubts about that. and i dont mean it in a spiteful way. seriously. im just saying that, whatever determines our chances of even breathing indoor stadium air would mostly depend on them.. i still remember what one of our seniors actually said about our batch. all i want to say is that i just hope she doesnt hit the bullseye. sometimes. i really feel like embracing them. especially rebecca, xinni, naomi,joanna, jialing, hernhern, yiyi, bianca, liwen and a few other dages. i dont know why. you can take it as a form of encouragment. but sometimes, i just feel very touched by their efforts. but whatever it is. everyone's full and enthusiastic participation is needed for this dance to be a success.
another thing that bothers me alot is that very few people are turning up for zaogong. i used to remember that in the previous syf days, almost everyone attended zaogong. what about now? please everyone. put in that effort. i understand that there are a number who have difficulties coming to school by 7am. but im sure there should be atleast half of us who can make it?

it makes me want to question the importance of syf in our hearts. to me. syf is darn important. its more important than my lessons, more important than my meals, more important than the lost times with my friends. chinese dance is MY PRIDE. its something i hold dearest to, for my years in ny. apart from friends, nycd is my motivation to wake up at 6 each day, the reason for me to look forward to school.

once again, pardon me for my lack of tackfulness and im truly sorry if i offended anyone. i just feel depressed and angsty.

mmooooooo-oooo..--*
|22:40|